Dreams

It's amazing how vividly one can experience emotion in dreams. It's nearly impossible to feel physical sensations, yet immense grief, fear and love can all be felt with such intensity as to make it feel so real.

Every once in a while, I have a dream in which I am in love...I am actually experiencing the emotions, not just superficial infatuation or lust. It's real...in my dream, that is. When I wake up, I'm often disappointed that it's ended. It feels good to be in love (shock of the century). Most of the time my object of affection is a man I've never seen before, but every so often it's someone familiar like a celebrity. Last night it happened to be Robin Williams, which is extremely odd as I've never found him to be particularly attractive. Such is the nature of these things.

Usually, the dream plays out like real life, not like a movie in which I meet someone and spend the entire time trying to win that person's affections. Most of the time, this is established love, something that feels more genuine. Last night, however, it felt like I was in a novel or a movie and experiencing this through a linear narrative. There weren't many of the hallmarks of a dream such as bizarre and implausible imagery. I woke up wanting to turn the dream into a story.

However, I'm troubled by these emotions. Lately when I think about love, I can't help thinking about how arbitrary it is, how unrecognizable. It's not as easy to identify as things like grief, fear, or even happiness. I don't think there is any one emotion that is as hard to recognize. I feel like a lot of the reason is because love is so commodoticized. How the hell are you supposed to know you are in love when everyone (the media, friends, books, movies, wine, food, airports, etc.) is shoving it in your face? I realize this is an age-old question that has been contemplated since the beginning of civilization, but there must be a reason for it. In my dreams, I have no doubts I am in love so why is it so easy to spot in those situations? Is this not real love? I mean, obviously it's not because it's just a dream, but if I can be so sure of something in my unconscious mind, surely that must mean something in reality.

I suppose all it really means is I'm in love with Robin Williams LOL.